Self Love

Now that's a very difficult concept isn't it. I am really bad at it. It's one of my failings but you know what, I am taking that time today. I woke up, felt low and knew I had to pick myself up. I made myself a Glow Tea and decided that self love was the name of the game. I decided to paint my nails. Such a simple step. I used to do this all the time in my teens and 20s so what changed? I took a while to choose the colour and opted for a purple/pink that changes colour with heat! I was so in love with this colour when I bought it 10 or so years ago so why did I stop? I decided that whilst painting my nails I would put on some vinyl and chose Led Zeppelin IV. Perfect! I felt self-indulgent, ignored the housework and a million other niggles screaming at me in my brain and I allowed, yes I actually allowed myself to enjoy the moment. How simple. Painting nails whilst listening to “Black Dog”!

Nails painted I jumped in the car and headed for Honiton. I had the most horrid road rage experience that left me quite shaken and upset. I was turning into the main car park and as it was a little busy I flashed a car to pull out onto the road in front of me. I always aim to do this at least once a day. It's a weird thing that I've done for years and it fills me with a tiny piece of happiness. Of course this meant that I didn't turn in as there was now 3 cars coming in the opposite direction so I couldn't cross. The car behind me started beeping his horn and gesticulating at me. I ignored him, the second car went past and by now he was blood red in the face. Seriously, how much of a rush can someone be in? As I started to turn, he squeezed past me and mounted the pavement, shouting and swearing at me as he went. This was not the warm loving glow of a day I was looking for. What right does another human being have to be like that to someone.

I was now feeling shaken and not filled with confidence for my next step but I pushed on. This was a scary but wonderful novelty for me. I sat in a boutique in Honiton that sells the most wonderful coffee, cakes and sandwiches “4 You From Me” to write a blog to type up later. I have sat here several times with Barbara when I have been on courses with Barbara Hennessy at Beacon Tarot.

I am not sure I've ever sat in a place with a coffee solo before and I certainly haven't pulled out pen and paper and started scribbling. To start with I thought I'd feel a little vulnerable, exposed even. However, I figured that's only my inner voice, you know that weak part of you that has a strong booming voice, telling me I'll look stupid when in fact nobody will even notice me or some might think, wow I wish I had the confidence to do that. So I told my inner voice to “go play with the traffic and the angry man. I'm busy!” and I boldly asked for a coffee.

There wasn't a vacant table but I did spot there was a stool and space on one of the nearby plush velvety green, scalloped shaped sofas. I've sat on these before and you just feel wonderful. There's this feeling of opulence and grandeur, you melt into the sofas feeling like a Queen for 30 minutes. The tables are smokey dark glass with magazines to flick through or of course you can simply gaze at all the wonderful gifts you can buy. There's jazz-like music playing in the background and an incredible feeling from the owners that they want you to stay and enjoy the experience. I wanted to buy into this experience. The lady happened to look up and gestured that I could join her on the sofa. Yay!

I sat down next to her but with enough space so we could each enjoy our own time. The music soothed me and my eyes were agaze at the cushions and jewellery, art deco cocktail shakers and champagne glasses, timepieces, wall hangings and cards. All very beautiful and all tied together so seamlessly. Our latte's arrived at the same time and as mine was a little hot, I took a moment to walk around the shop and put behind the counter some choice pieces I'd been eyeing up for months!

Tree of Life - Idea totally stolen from Barbara Hennessy!

Pendulum Tree of Life - Idea totally stolen from Barbara Hennessy (she knows) and Tree bought at 4YoufromMe

Time to sip my coffee and pull out my journal. What a cathartic moment in time! I would thoroughly recommend that you all take an hour out to sit in a cafe somewhere with pen and paper, let the world wash you by and see what falls out of your nib. The lady I was sat next to was flicking through one of the many magazines left out for customers to read. We exchanged a few pleasantries about the wonderful concept 4 You From Me has provided.

I continued to write and as I paused she turned to me and said “that's lovely what you are doing. You don't find people writing any more. It's just lovely to see”. We started chatting for ages. It turned out that she was a Yacht Master and delivered yachts all round the world. We shared stories of how to survive in a “man's world”, me reminiscing on being a diving instructor and living in Egypt. Oh, the comparisons we had on sexism and how to survive, you know that pull up your big girl pants, dig deep and become a really brave person just get heard on simple every day tasks. How life survived around baksheesh (bribes) and how to win locals over. For me with a boat crew who literally had my life in their hands when I was solo diving to tie livaboard ropes onto wrecks, it was all about being one with them and understanding their cultures. I wouldn't always sit and eat dinner with the guests, instead I would opt to sit cross legged on the back deck with the crew and eat freshly caught fish off the same plate using our fingers. For her, it was showing her inner strength and making sure she never missed a rope throw from the Super Yacht to harbour wall and talking down to rude harbourmasters who continually ignored her. One day she snapped, thrust out her hand and said in an authoritative manner “my name is Beverly”. That night, the Harbourmaster delivered her a piece of birthday cake from his birthday party. We laughed and shared a beautiful moment together, well actually probably half and hour.

So, my reason for self love today has taken a different path than expected. It started with a cup of herbal tea and painting my nails and ended with a chance encounter with a truly spirited lady called Beverly who helped me to re-discover the passion and drive and wonderful life that I have led to this point.

We are all made of strong stuff and sometimes it gets hidden or stamped down by self doubt. I will continue to lead a wonderful life, isn't that why we are given ups and downs? So we can have experiences, good and bad and learn from them. Meet incredible people by chance, be courteous to people. We all have our own inner voice challenging us and talking us out of being who we want to be. It doesn't matter if it is sitting in a cafe solo, going to the end of your garden gate and saying hello to neighbours, starting a new job or conquering Everest. Dig deep, ignore the doubts and be beautiful people.

 

With blessings xxx

Footnote: A message to the angry road rage man. You didn't win. You didn't save much time in those 30 seconds. You didn't ruin my day in fact you highlighted that this world is full of amazing human beings and you're not one of them.

chi-quilibrium Reiki Healing chiquilibrium Whimple East Devon Chi-Q natural holistic healing Universal Energy A life in balance with reiki Let the energy flow Kerry Powell Reiki Practitioner Chakra balance meditation Reiki East Devon
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